That’s what I was writing to a girl that I liked, who—as usual (girls have a tendency of doing this to me by the way, so it’s not only been her, but it’s more of a rule of thumb I’m sad to say). However, I rarely tell the object of my affections how I feel about her, except this one time, so that was a first), even though she was trying to tell me (the poor thing—she was doing it in as delicate a manner as possible) that she wasn’t interested in me in that way; it was just correspondence that we had to share, but now—even that’s gone, and I can’t help regretting the fact that I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life, probably… well, I do blame myself for it—for acting like a complete buffoon and seeing love where it's obviously not. And then, deciding to dedicate myself so totally to it that I expect her to follow— even if she can't. Or doesn’t want to… I'm sorry C.But I thought today was going to be a new day, as I usually do, when I'm trying to salvage whatever I can. And sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I don’t and have to try again. What I ought not to be doing, is give up completely, and then just lie there in bed all day. Which is a very possible scenario, since I’m bipolar, so have my ups and downs. The downs are the ones to look out for—they can really lead you to a dark place. So, I hope I can keep taking care of myself better, and try and work out these issues and not let them tie me down again. Go out, talk, listen to music, watch movies—whatever—just don't get into bed.
So, yesterday—after getting out of my depression, and working the whole day, I thought I’d take a nap in the evening, and by the time I woke up, it was already time to break the fast, and dad was waking me up and answering the door. It was one of our muslim neighbours’ kids (we have a christian, a bunch of muslims, and a whole lot of hindus—so it's nice—especially during the festival times) who had brought over some wonderful haleem for us. He'd also gotten some dahibade from the day before, which we still had to complete, and now this.
Dad had already gotten an invite from two places today to break-open his fast there, but seeing me lying asleep had chosen not to say anything, and after he reached home—there was this. We also had the chicken from yesterday, and I’d gone and bought a 1 litre bottle of pepsi this time, to compensate for not drinking any yesterday, so I guess it worked out well. (I was 65 just before the iftari started, and by the time I'd come up to go to bed—it was 67. Damn that weighing scale. Now I've got to see how much I can get it down to by tomorrow, or before eid at least.)
Before I’d come up to go to bed, there’s this show called Kaun banega crorepati (which is the indian version of who wants to be a millionaire) and they were supposed to feature some special guests—so I thought, meh—it’ll probably be some actors trying to plug in their movies. So I watched the news for half an hour, how the people in Libya were doing, and just as I was going up I thought I’d see who was on today... it was a young woman, a girl really, if you can call her that, who had survived a brutal attack on her and her family by a group of men who wanted her to join their cause, and even marry one of them.
This was happening in the Kashmir valley, right at the top of our country, and she was, not only able to defend herself while all of this was going on—but also kill one of her assailants in the process, while wounding the other, and chasing away the third—with one of their own rifles that too. She's living with a bounty on her head these days, by the group that patrols those parts, but it was being driven around by the guy who she had brought with her to the show, that she had found her true-love… he would tuck her down between his feet when and not let her get up when they’d have to pass through any sort of a troubled area.
She was an innocent competitor on the show, and Amitabh, the show’s host, tried to do his best to make her feel at ease as much as she could. She'd never been able to see the show before, up in the valley, being busy collecting wood and working all day—but she would sometimes get the chance to hear it on the radio. So, the questions which she got were pretty easy, and she was able to make it all the way to the eighth position, I think. Somewhere in the midst of all of that, Amitabh asked her who her favourite hero was—and she said she liked Akshay Kumar, and quickly covered her face in her hands. This muslim girl from the valley, dressed as conservatively as she could—talking about her crush…
